Superhero Shortage

We would have a serious shortage of superheroes if villains would just "stick around to watch them die".

New Book

Putting finishing touches on hip, urban, self-help book, "How to Win Homies and Influence Peeps". What's missing? Some say a trashcan.

Father's Club Meeting

At Catholic H.S. Father's Club mtg. Me: Bring on the underage cheerleaders! (har har) Uh...no need...I'll show myself out.

Halfway Through College

Halfway through college, my school actually changed its name. I was unfazed until they told me that my credits wouldn't transfer.

Papal Yuks

The pope's hat is miter than the sword.

At The Mall

My 11 y.o. son was beginning to act up in the mall so I sentenced him to "Pre-teen Boy Hell"--bra shopping w/ his mother. Mwahahaha!

Skary Frazes

I find that the phrase "3 abreast" conjures up too many disturbing mental images.

The Lackluster Life

Yep, I live a lackluster life. I get up in the morning, pour myself a bowl of Ordinary K, go off to work...

DVR Fun

If you record the latest episode of CSI and then run it backwards, you can hear "Marg Helgenberg is hot". Oh wait, that was me.

What's worse

What's worse than having a song stuck in your head? Only 1 small part. And to add insult to injury, I don't think I have the words right.

'Net Statistics

'Net statistics show that interest in my blog is waning. Currently, I've plateaued at 0 visitors.

Firmly of the belief

I am firmly of the belief that, no matter what they say, one needs to do their best thinking while they are stuck INSIDE the box.

Swearing Off

No more will I go into a bar w/my wife & ask, "Can I have 2 highballs please?" I'm done with handing out straight-lines like that.

I can't shake the feeling

I can't shake the feeling that people are watching me. Maybe I just should get off this stage.

On a roll

I'm on a roll here, folks. I sure hope it comes off in the wash.

Proof-positive

Proof-positive that aliens previously made contact with our race: That freaky pyramid with the laser-eye on the back of the 1 dollar bill.

Medical Alert!

I am very concerned about a serious neurological disease that is spreading rampant through my family. Apparently, people are no longer physically capable of closing the Pop Tart box after they open it.

New Little Rascals

I'm thinking of starting a new Little Rascals gang. Who's in and which character would you play? P.S., I got dibs on "Farina".

Not watching

Not watching American Idol. Watching new program called, "America's Got Sense".

True Confessions # 11

True Confessions # 11: I am goofing off on Twitter instead of doing important stuff on Facebook. Shhh, don't let it get around.

The Ultimate Optimist (# 8)

The Ultimate Optimist (# 8): What a beautiful day outside! Makes the horrible things that happened today seem all the more ironic.

Intruding Thoughts

In the middle of something very important at work, I began to wonder: What do circus freaks dress up as for Halloween?

New Job

New job: I want to be the guy who makes up those ZANY words you have to type when you post links or make comments on web sites.

NYC Inside Joke

The other day, I saw something on the subway. So, I did what the sign told me to do and began saying to anyone who would listen, "Something...something". I still don't get how this helps.

This weather

This weather is so indecisive. It doesn't know whether it wants to rain or whether it wants to order Chinese.

I've decided to become a gossip columnist

I've decided to become a gossip columnist. Guess which actress just checked back into rehab? This is the easiest job I've ever had.

Reflections on Housecleaning.

Either I break down and vacuum the floor or I become a dust-bunny wrangler.

Sign on wall

Sign on wall: Procrastinators Anonymous Meeting Canceled...again.

Profiles in Survival # 9

Profiles In Survival # 9: Jumping Jack Flash--Tough life. Remains philosophical.

Another rainy day in NYC

Another rainy day in NYC. Yes, I've pinned the Lame-O-Meter once again by quoting sappy, Chicago songs.

In NYC

In NYC, today is the first day of Bike To Work Month. In Venice, today is the first day of Gondola To Work Month.